we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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