She is in my trunk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
