If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
