im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
