There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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