didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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