bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
