Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
