And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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