I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
