When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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