Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
