I think I am morally bankrupt
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
