I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
