just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize