I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize