wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
