I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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