so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
