I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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