Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
