Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
