I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
