I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want a musical about memes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
