I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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