I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
