saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
