This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
