Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
