dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize