i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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