some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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