Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
