I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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