I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
