I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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