whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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