why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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