coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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