I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
