He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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