There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
