Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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