Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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