dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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