eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
