He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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