i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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