dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
