I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
