Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize