he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
