No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
