she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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