Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
