this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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