i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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