just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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