i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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